Blessed ? Or the opposite ?

Have u ever cried not b'coz of sadness or whatsoever , Its b'coz of how lucky u are compared to other people around u ?? :') I miss having this feeling. I have never gotten it for a long time already. I feel like I have to learn how to appreciate my life in a better way ONCE AGAIN. I remember my mother would always tell me how lucky I was compared to other kids. My whole family was really concerned about me b'coz I was the 1st kid in the family. My grandparents , my parents, [my aunt & uncle (back then , they didn't have kids yet)] used to love me a lot . My FULL MOON celebration was like a person's wedding . LOL it was so damn exaggerating. It was organised by my Grandfather. He loves me a lot . My grandparents took care of me since I was little. I was their 1st grandchild . Maybe thats the reason why they love me the most. I know some of my family members do get jealous at times . Sometimes , I wish that I wasn't 'THAT PERSON' & wish I didn't exist. 'That person' whom gets all the love , my grandfather shows it out so obvious at times. I felt really bad for the others . My grandparents literally treat me as their '1st GrandSON' , they are very concern about my education . I feel very stressful at times b'coz Im sort of a lazy ass . Its hard to fulfill my duty as a grandSON. But I will try my best for them. My worst experiences from last year & this year scarred me so badly. I know that love wouldn't last for eternity and I kind of accepted it. Not even Family Love . Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. So not true in this cruel and selfish world. People will somehow change. No matter how kind , sincere or whatsoever. Its just the matter of time. Whether I like it or not, I have to accept it . But I will always remember how much they used to love me. I think its enough to just keep the memories and move on with my challenging life. I know my road to success will be a narrow one. Therefore, I have no reason to stop and keep looking back or I will definitely slum into depression. I must overcome this before it takes control of me . I must be positive.