Blessed ? Or the opposite ?

Have u ever cried not b'coz of sadness or whatsoever , Its b'coz of how lucky u are compared to other people around u ?? :') I miss having this feeling. I have never gotten it for a long time already. I feel like I have to learn how to appreciate my life in a better way ONCE AGAIN. I remember my mother would always tell me how lucky I was compared to other kids. My whole family was really concerned about me b'coz I was the 1st kid in the family. My grandparents , my parents, [my aunt & uncle (back then , they didn't have kids yet)] used to love me a lot . My FULL MOON celebration was like a person's wedding . LOL it was so damn exaggerating. It was organised by my Grandfather. He loves me a lot . My grandparents took care of me since I was little. I was their 1st grandchild . Maybe thats the reason why they love me the most. I know some of my family members do get jealous at times . Sometimes , I wish that I wasn't 'THAT PERSON' & wish I didn't exist. 'That person' whom gets all the love , my grandfather shows it out so obvious at times. I felt really bad for the others . My grandparents literally treat me as their '1st GrandSON' , they are very concern about my education . I feel very stressful at times b'coz Im sort of a lazy ass . Its hard to fulfill my duty as a grandSON. But I will try my best for them. My worst experiences from last year & this year scarred me so badly. I know that love wouldn't last for eternity and I kind of accepted it. Not even Family Love . Ohana means family. Family means no one gets left behind. So not true in this cruel and selfish world. People will somehow change. No matter how kind , sincere or whatsoever. Its just the matter of time. Whether I like it or not, I have to accept it . But I will always remember how much they used to love me. I think its enough to just keep the memories and move on with my challenging life. I know my road to success will be a narrow one. Therefore, I have no reason to stop and keep looking back or I will definitely slum into depression. I must overcome this before it takes control of me . I must be positive.

Good Old Memories ?

I dont have the exact word to define my feelings right now. Well , Im listening to Daylight by Maroon 5 Um . . . Memories perhaps.. Are the hardest thing to deal with when we need to leave someone. Keep thinking about the memories that we have gone through with someone special. It makes me feel happy and unhappy at the same time. Im still wondering.. And wishing that time wouldn't pass so fast. I suddenly feel so old . Im scared and tired of all the changes. My life has changed completely ! I mean 360 degrees to be exact ! I wonder what will happen next . Tell me , please .